Today was quite the day. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Today, I went for a job interview. It was a mix between the pride that I knew I was a good candidate for a position and the doubt that I could ACTUALLY do this. I know moms all over the world do this... and, they do this with less help than I have. But, that being said, I am absolutely terrified.

There's This Boy...

My son has my heart. He has since he came into this world. This has been a trying week with D. My heart is feeling heavy and raw. 

He made some bad choices over the last week that gave him some learning experiences that he wasn't too comfortable with. Having to return a toy to his best friend after taking it from his home without asking made him sad and remorseful, feelings that are necessary to really learn the lesson. I didn't realize how much my heart would hurt for him. I was angry and disappointed in his choice to take from his friend, as well as with a bad decision in school. I knew that he knew better than what he was doing and it felt like a personal failure to watch him choose wrong. I know that, logically, I have to separate myself and teach, but this is extremely hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. 

Today, my heart hurt for a different reason. Today is Walking Wednesday. It's a program that D's school runs where the kids gather at a location and walk to school all together to promote healthy living. We try to get there as often as we can and, when we do, D walks with his friend that he has known from different activities through the years. Today, his friend chose to walk with her classmate that was there. As he stood there holding her hand, so excited, she turned to him and very nicely asked if he could walk behind her because her classmate really wanted to be her walking buddy. He smiled, so brave, and agreed. I tried to keep his spirits up and tell him how nice that was of him. I simultaneously watched as his spirit broke and he began to well up with tears. I pointed out a few of his other friends who were there and watched as he desperately searched for someone to pair with. He put on his smile and asked each one of them if they wanted to walk with him. Most of them politely let him know that they already had a partner, some completely ignored him. He quickly walked back over to me and sobbed into my sweatshirt. I wanted to sit down right there in that parking lot and sob with him, for my heart was shattering at that moment. I wanted to put him back in the car and just drive him the quarter mile to the school. I wanted to fix it and shield him from the hurt that he was experiencing. 

Instead, we stayed. We walked to school, me as his partner, him trying to stop the tears before he saw all his classmates. It broke my heart to see my son, my courageous, confident, bossy little man start to crumble a little bit. I hope and pray that I am strong enough to make him strong enough that life doesn't make him crumble. He is such an amazing kid and he deserves all the good this life has to offer and less of the bad. 

Bad choices, I can handle. The rest of it . . .  I am struggling. 

Momma's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!


Does it really ever live up to your expectations? To be honest, I don't even know what those expectations are, but I do know that I never feel more appreciated today than any other day. And, I don't feel all that appreciated regularly. I spend every second of everyday, being a mom and a wife. There is no down time for me. There is no job that is mine outside of this house. Probably my own fault, but there isn't even a hobby that is solely mine. I am sure that I am looking to other people for validation in this area and, as most mother's know, this job never comes with enough validation to make you feel confident. I want someone to say, "You are an amazing mother and what you are doing is not just good enough, but it is good." Not that I would believe them anyway, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

There are days that I wish my life had taken a different path and that I had the professional success that I envy at times in other women. There are days I wonder how in the hell we are all going to get out alive. But, most of the days, I couldn't begin to imagine what my life would look like without my kids. They have given me such a lesson in what matters and I don't think I would be so sure of that without them. They are innocent in their thoughts and their needs and it makes me fear the world that is in their future. But, it also makes me try that much harder to make it a better place and make them the type of people that will do that too. They are beautiful. They are funny. They are everything. I love my kids so much, and while I am sure that today will never have that "ahh-ha" feeling that I am sort of searching for, I am thankful that today gives me a chance to reflect on the crazy, messy, amazing family I am roaming through life with.

Spring Means FLOWERS!!!

For years, I have enjoyed taking some pictures of flowers. I love finding just the right angle and really looking at the tiny little details of each type of flower.

Over the last few years, with the kids, it has taken a lot more energy to find the time to get some shots. I hope to get back into to it soon and be able to share them.

A Brand New Bidet!

Just kidding! I didn't get a new bidet. I wouldn't want one, they creep me out. I am very happy with a normal toilet. However, I did create the feeling of a brand new bathroom!

Recently, I have been having a hard time being happy in my current home. I, along with I'm sure every lady in the world, feels like it's time for a change. At the beginning of the year, I started painting different rooms in my home. I am almost done with the painting and have begun decorating. I wanted to share some of the best thrift store finds that have really completed my bathroom downstairs.

I wish I had thought to take a picture beforehand, but naturally, I was results focused and just wanted to get started. Oh well. I will try to give you a quick description. It was a matte white wall that came with the condo when it was bought. It was incredibly fragile. If I looked at it wrong, I swear it would start to crumble. Having to two small children, you can imagine the number of dents, scratches, marks, etc that just covered every inch. There was a small single shelf over the toilet and a soap dispenser on the counter with some magazines. The only item I LOVED in the bathroom was a great photo of a pig going for a swim that was framed in black... my starting point. You can see it in the picture below, although not very clearly.

I picked an amazing green, after trying to decided from a ridiculous number of hues. Why does there have to be soooo many options?!?! I had an old shelf that just needed to be painted. I decided to make it to the woodwork that was white, instead of some of the other features that were black, just to lighten it up a bit.

Keeping with the pig photo, I decided to go all country animal. I know a whole lot of people will think this is just terrible, but the idea is just to find something you love and build up. Thrift stores are my jam and I love finding things that have had a life before coming to my home and fitting perfectly. All together, I spent just under $150 dollars to redo this bathroom. Including all the paint, painting supplies, a new rug (gasp!), and the items picked up along the way at the shops.

April Vacation...

D is in Kindergarten. With that, comes vacation weeks. Vacation in December comes just after Christmas. It is filled with the excitement of new toys and the first big break of the year. It goes by fast and it is a welcomed break. Then, we get to February vacation. Most years, I feel like this is so unneeded. January and February, and sometimes even December and March, are filled with snow days and an entire week off in the midst of it, enough! This year, however, we had only a couple of days off and my son used that week to recoup from sickness after sickness. And now... we are April vacation...

I am exhausted. It is Wednesday. We have five days left. Aye, aye aye. 

We spent the weekend enjoying the beautiful weather and hitting up some fabulous playgrounds in the area. We probably could have used a day to relax from all the go-go-go, but instead, we spent Monday, visiting a botanical garden. It was beautiful, it was fun, it would have been so relaxing without all the bickering and whining :) 

I decided that we would spend our Tuesday as we usually do. We went to story time at our local library. D is usually in school during this activity, so W LOVES having him there with us. She dances a little bit bigger and laughs a little bit more. 

Where do we go from here... 

I am tired, but I will be more tired sitting around. Keeping them busy keeps them happier. Keeping them happy, keeps me sane!! 

Howdy!

Who really know how to start a blog?? So, I am just going to give a quick word on why I am here.

I am a stay at home momma for my two kids, D and W. D is a 6 year old little man who loves everything from art to dirt. W is a, almost, 3 year old little girl who wants to do everything her brother does with just a touch of daintiness. I have a husband, Daddy, who works his butt off to make it possible for us to have someone home with our kids as they grow and find themselves in these first few years of their lives. I am thankful that we can make that work, although it is anything but easy.

Over the years, because of our choice to have one of us home, we have struggled to stay afloat with only half of our income. Making that choice shouldn't mean that we can't have good food, good decor and good fun in our lives. We just have to find creative ways to make it happen. If we can get past the chaos of our crazy schedules and our tight quarters, we seem to be living pretty darn good.

If this blog can help even one other family make ends meet and feel better about their situation, then it has done its job :)

I will also share the normal struggles or triumphs of our life and welcome any help from other mommas around the world.