There's This Boy...

My son has my heart. He has since he came into this world. This has been a trying week with D. My heart is feeling heavy and raw. 

He made some bad choices over the last week that gave him some learning experiences that he wasn't too comfortable with. Having to return a toy to his best friend after taking it from his home without asking made him sad and remorseful, feelings that are necessary to really learn the lesson. I didn't realize how much my heart would hurt for him. I was angry and disappointed in his choice to take from his friend, as well as with a bad decision in school. I knew that he knew better than what he was doing and it felt like a personal failure to watch him choose wrong. I know that, logically, I have to separate myself and teach, but this is extremely hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. 

Today, my heart hurt for a different reason. Today is Walking Wednesday. It's a program that D's school runs where the kids gather at a location and walk to school all together to promote healthy living. We try to get there as often as we can and, when we do, D walks with his friend that he has known from different activities through the years. Today, his friend chose to walk with her classmate that was there. As he stood there holding her hand, so excited, she turned to him and very nicely asked if he could walk behind her because her classmate really wanted to be her walking buddy. He smiled, so brave, and agreed. I tried to keep his spirits up and tell him how nice that was of him. I simultaneously watched as his spirit broke and he began to well up with tears. I pointed out a few of his other friends who were there and watched as he desperately searched for someone to pair with. He put on his smile and asked each one of them if they wanted to walk with him. Most of them politely let him know that they already had a partner, some completely ignored him. He quickly walked back over to me and sobbed into my sweatshirt. I wanted to sit down right there in that parking lot and sob with him, for my heart was shattering at that moment. I wanted to put him back in the car and just drive him the quarter mile to the school. I wanted to fix it and shield him from the hurt that he was experiencing. 

Instead, we stayed. We walked to school, me as his partner, him trying to stop the tears before he saw all his classmates. It broke my heart to see my son, my courageous, confident, bossy little man start to crumble a little bit. I hope and pray that I am strong enough to make him strong enough that life doesn't make him crumble. He is such an amazing kid and he deserves all the good this life has to offer and less of the bad. 

Bad choices, I can handle. The rest of it . . .  I am struggling. 

Momma's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!


Does it really ever live up to your expectations? To be honest, I don't even know what those expectations are, but I do know that I never feel more appreciated today than any other day. And, I don't feel all that appreciated regularly. I spend every second of everyday, being a mom and a wife. There is no down time for me. There is no job that is mine outside of this house. Probably my own fault, but there isn't even a hobby that is solely mine. I am sure that I am looking to other people for validation in this area and, as most mother's know, this job never comes with enough validation to make you feel confident. I want someone to say, "You are an amazing mother and what you are doing is not just good enough, but it is good." Not that I would believe them anyway, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

There are days that I wish my life had taken a different path and that I had the professional success that I envy at times in other women. There are days I wonder how in the hell we are all going to get out alive. But, most of the days, I couldn't begin to imagine what my life would look like without my kids. They have given me such a lesson in what matters and I don't think I would be so sure of that without them. They are innocent in their thoughts and their needs and it makes me fear the world that is in their future. But, it also makes me try that much harder to make it a better place and make them the type of people that will do that too. They are beautiful. They are funny. They are everything. I love my kids so much, and while I am sure that today will never have that "ahh-ha" feeling that I am sort of searching for, I am thankful that today gives me a chance to reflect on the crazy, messy, amazing family I am roaming through life with.

Spring Means FLOWERS!!!

For years, I have enjoyed taking some pictures of flowers. I love finding just the right angle and really looking at the tiny little details of each type of flower.

Over the last few years, with the kids, it has taken a lot more energy to find the time to get some shots. I hope to get back into to it soon and be able to share them.

A Brand New Bidet!

Just kidding! I didn't get a new bidet. I wouldn't want one, they creep me out. I am very happy with a normal toilet. However, I did create the feeling of a brand new bathroom!

Recently, I have been having a hard time being happy in my current home. I, along with I'm sure every lady in the world, feels like it's time for a change. At the beginning of the year, I started painting different rooms in my home. I am almost done with the painting and have begun decorating. I wanted to share some of the best thrift store finds that have really completed my bathroom downstairs.

I wish I had thought to take a picture beforehand, but naturally, I was results focused and just wanted to get started. Oh well. I will try to give you a quick description. It was a matte white wall that came with the condo when it was bought. It was incredibly fragile. If I looked at it wrong, I swear it would start to crumble. Having to two small children, you can imagine the number of dents, scratches, marks, etc that just covered every inch. There was a small single shelf over the toilet and a soap dispenser on the counter with some magazines. The only item I LOVED in the bathroom was a great photo of a pig going for a swim that was framed in black... my starting point. You can see it in the picture below, although not very clearly.

I picked an amazing green, after trying to decided from a ridiculous number of hues. Why does there have to be soooo many options?!?! I had an old shelf that just needed to be painted. I decided to make it to the woodwork that was white, instead of some of the other features that were black, just to lighten it up a bit.

Keeping with the pig photo, I decided to go all country animal. I know a whole lot of people will think this is just terrible, but the idea is just to find something you love and build up. Thrift stores are my jam and I love finding things that have had a life before coming to my home and fitting perfectly. All together, I spent just under $150 dollars to redo this bathroom. Including all the paint, painting supplies, a new rug (gasp!), and the items picked up along the way at the shops.